no-one

no one, would be the same as you

you know my line of thought.

but is it because of the time we spent together?

or did we have a special connection?

no one, would know my feelings more then you do.

just like how i know other people’s feelings.

I wonder if i open myself to her,

she’ll eventually learn to understand me more.

no one, can ever compare to you.

but why am i comparing?

she is not you.

she will never be you.

and i dont want her to be you.

but no one will share the same love we shared.

no one

-

seems like…

seems like there are things i couldnt let go.

not you in particular.

but things between us…

I feel so unfair to her.

she has no idea how deep we were.

nothing could compare to the smiles and…

the love we had.

but neither will anything compare to the heartbreak and..

the pain we went through.

I thought we could have been.

I don’t know who would be it now…

I don’t want to think anyone could…

I don’t false anymore.

but i guess that also means i can’t put myself in love anymore.

because i am refraining myself from opening my heart.

-

I dont have the key to it anymore.

-

11:00:41 – 11:24:11

guilt

anger

sorrow

anger

hatred

hatred

hurt

I guess i brought this on to myself, I guess you never learn, maybe I never learnt too. But I thought you would have known by now that there are lots of things that I know, and no one knows that I know. I am not saying this to say anything…or anything…I had a thought, but after tonight, that thought is pushed down…maybe I am just a selfish heartless person doing things for my own good. But if I know somethings is not good, why would I take the chance.

cornered

hey blog…

I am still as scared as I was when I first started writing to you…still sitting in the corner, hiding my face…I dont want to think…I dont like how it is, I hate it. I hate love, why does it cause so much damage? I hate having the decision that would cost a life of someone I care about, even if it’s just someone I know. I cant let it go with such a toll. I cant hold on to it because I am scared of the consequences. I cant make the right decision when I am under the wrong pressure.

I hate love

it’s time

To bring out my cameras and go through a couple of rolls of film… it’s been a while since I last went snapping… I hope I still have the touch!

Realise

I just realised, the more focused I am, the more I barricade myself from things around me and the narrower my vision becomes. I mean, I knew all along thats how it works. But I never realise how nice the things around me were, the minute I drift off and took me mind and eyes off what I had my head into, I realise I have been missing out on the world. And what hits me is that, as a designer, I can’t believe I let myself do that, I have strangled my mind and become narrow minded, nothing good will come out of a stubborn and shallow designer.

I have to break this barrier. Recover what I have lost.

Long weekend

Hey blog, Long time no see!

I had a great long weekend! I didnt have to work on Saturday, and I spent the whole long weekend in bed! sigh* I was sick from Saturday onwards, still sick now! but yeah, I just stayed in bed for the weekend, I couldn’t really move. I am feeling much better now, but my voice is dead and my throat kills…

I don’t know blog, I know people read this, but I really want to talk…well type…to you about stuff, because I dont feel comfortable talking to anyone. And I know she reads it too…so I don’t know…I guess I’ll just be a little fague… You know, there is something that I have always wanted, a situation I have always wanted to be in, I had it, I held it, then I lost it as if it felt like i let go of it… then it came back to me… but I realise I am scared of it…so scared of it…maybe I am not meant to have such thing…maybe I was never meant to be in that situation… I don’t know blog… I dont want to know if anyone’s read this…what ever…

 

I care, but I cant

 

rumex

meet up?

I am scared of meeting up with her…because I am scared that she will get upset and start asking me why and can we be back together… It’s just like before, a cycle, but a heaps smaller one…

Today-ness

Today, feels like today… I don’t know, It just feels normal. It has become a routine for me to go out on the weekends to buy hay and litter for my bunnies, and I kind of like it! But I always get side-tracked into shopping for other stuff…lol… anyway… Bun’s lost some weight, but he looks fine! I’ll just feed him more veggie! They are really picky with their food, Celery is their faourite and then it’s carrot and bokchoy…thats the stuff we feed them most anyway…

Yesterday, I just realised, I have been wearing converse for 6 years and I have never had a pair of original all star…so… I have decided that I will get a pair soon! haha…and I was going to go shop for a Cajon today, I really want to get one… but I didnt get time to check it out today, maybe next week?

Japan

The Japan trip is getting so f’ing annoying… I have booked everything, but Joanthan hasnt even booked plane tickets!? And because some of his friends are going, he wants to go to hot spring together and now even to be in their room and not with me and jackson…

This is getting annoying…it’s making me not want to go…